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Vast Distances Defeated, July 6th, 1997 :: Ben Turner's Soapbox

 

the soapbox @ benturner.com
archived soapbox: July 6th, 1997
"Vast Distances Defeated" [permalink]
    keywords: life, love, relationships, internet, long-distance, London
    soapbox #: 92
    written: July 6th, 1997
    words: 1134

"Vast Distances Defeated", an Essay

I've held off announcing this for a long time, not at all because I was afraid or nervous to talk about it, or because I didn't want to do it (for I most definitely do). My reason for waiting on it, even though it's been hard to contain such excitement in my young body, is that I consider the Soapbox to be an accurate calendar of feelings in my mind, and I didn't want to talk about it, then follow up the next weeks with rants about sewage or clueless newbie companies on the 'Net or something. ;)

The timing is right for this now -- I leave to see mine Anna in three days, meeting her in London, England. When the next weekend rolls around and the new Soapbox is due, I will be with my lover and best friend for the first time. Sorry to say it, but screw the Soapbox this time. I'll be back in a week's time, so I don't think the Soapbox will be posted any later than it usually is (heh).

When true lovers meet, instantly do they know it works,
For they can see love give rise in mind and in eyes.
In the marrow of their bones, their passion lurks,
Emerging like a shining knight, bringing jadedness its demise.

It wasn't all that long ago, although it seems like it was, when I first met Anna. Our relationship is of the online sort, a sort that I wasn't sure beforehand that I would want to get involved with, but I plan to discuss this after my trip, when I know more exactly how love feels and affects an inexperienced mind and body. Anna lives in Sweden and I live in Texas. The distances are staggering, but leave it to the Internet, my current idealization, to allow us to talk endlessly every day. She found me through my site and she carefully courted me, I admit. But she didn't have to persuade me one bit after meeting her for me to fall in love with her. Quickly, we realized that in order to make the relationship more permanent and strong, we would want to meet each other in real life, if only for a week, which is our current time allotted. The earliest I would be able to see her if it were not for this trip would be next year, a cruel time to wait for two lovers who have never met.

So we devised a plan to meet each other in London, which to me is the most perfect setting one could find for two people who love Shakespeare and the whole Shakespearean era. By meeting each other now, it will make the rest of the year's wait much easier to bear. We'll know what we react like in each other's physical presence and we won't doubt whether we'll really like each other. This is a huge relief to me, knowing that both our burdens will be eased by the trip.

And perhaps one of the best things about it all is parental support. Both mine and her parents are encouraging of my meeting Anna in London and I think they understand why we felt it important to meet this summer. Having parental support is one of the key things that will make this relationship work, given its long distanced nature.

The other implication of a long-distance relationship is the level of commitment. Any relationship such as this is not the sort where you just experiment, to see what sorts of people you like to be with. There's no messing around here. If you are fully committed to a long-distance relationship, you're thinking of more serious things no matter what stage of the relationship you're currently in.

Sure of their future, they share their love,
Their minds don't think of fleeting things.
Little blessing do they need from gods above,
But instead they fancy golden rings.

My mom thought from all the preliminary hype I was giving this announcement on my site that we were getting married. No, no, but it was amusing to experience. She may not have been incorrect though, you know -- I'm hoping my being with Anna for a week will make me more sure of our future together. Who knows? Eventually?

I am not really a fan of diarists, as the stories they tell often have no meaning to a stranger, but I really felt like I had to talk about this one. This is so different, yet so desirous to me. I've never been in love with a woman, much less one as amazing as my 'delicia' (and I freely admit that), and I've never felt this way before. This is a big moment in my life, not a temporary bout of amor. This is serious, and I know it. When I look back upon this week, and this Soapbox entry, it will bring back all the feelings I first felt -- how natural and right it felt.

I care not to disclose many more of my feelings for Anna, for those are reserved to be given to her, in the forms of small sonnets or letters, and not for a public unwilling to care or indifferent to listen. This entry defines what the Soapbox is for me more than any other entry has -- it is my personal window in my life, and you as the reader are merely a privileged guest to it. I don't do this for you.

So shortly I will be flying, both in airplane and in affection, across the vast ocean which has held my lover from me for a near unbearable amount of time already. It will continue to keep us away from each other in the future, but we will at least defeat it temporarily, a small battle in the war to free the love we harbor in our minds, bodies, and souls.

Finer than alliteratives, amorous adjoining of the lips,
Feelings not rooted in lustful loins,
Wings of love no longer held aground by caution's clips,
Indeed nothing is more wonderful than two lovers joined.

She and me, we two are g / g.


 
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