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[FAKE REPORT]

Abstract:  _The American Heritage College Dictionary_ will
change the spelling of the word "team" to "tiem" in order
to defuse attempts to bastardize the phrase "There is no 'i'
in 'team'."  Supporters of the spelling revision cite
annoying business cliches and overuse to the point of
irritation as reasons to make the change.


      Dictionary Editors Revise Spelling of "Team"

NEW YORK CITY, NY - Bowing down to heavy pressure from
annoyed college students and cubicle dwellers continually
faced with the threat of the dreaded Middle Manager, the
American Heritage College Dictionary editorial board unanimously
agreed to change the spelling of "team" in the next edition
of its world-renowned dictionary, _The American Heritage
College Dictionary_.
     The official revision will change the spelling of
the word "team", defined as 1) (Sports & Games) A group
on the same side, to the spelling "tiem".  The editors
have stated publically that the pronunciation and meaning
will remain the same, but the spelling must be modified
as a preventative measure.
     A representative of the "Anti-'Team' Group" explained
this action:  "Too long have we suffered with the outdated,
preachy, and corny phrase, 'There is no "i" in "team".'  The
truth is that employees have gotten tired of having their
project recommendations being brushed aside with a curt
'There is no "i" in "team".'  Quite frankly, the nasal tone
associated with the phrase and its inherent obviousness in
meaning lead to a hostile working environment full of
bitterness and resentment.  Plus, it is now used in
businesses and business classes ad nauseam as a pathetic
attempt to get people to put up with each other in group
work."
     Civil liberties groups such as the ACLU brought forth
rumors of impending lawsuits bringing claims of tortious
behavior and emotional injury against middle management
across America.  The revision is expected to cancel these
potential suits.
     Long-time protestors celebrated the decision.  "Now
with the word "tiem", there WILL be an 'i' in 'team',
you goddamn bastards!" exclaimed Josh Faherty of New
Braunfels, Texas.  "This is a rallying cry for all those
who are fucking tired of having to work with incompetent
group members who drag down the whole project with their
whiny, prattling voices."
     "Team", the editorial board reports, will be left
in the dictionary with its previous meaning, as well as
having added meanings:  "a word used to evoke the expression,
'fucking annoying'" and "the nightmare which begins in
childhood cooperative games and continues through adulthood,
never to cease and go away like so many wish it would."
     The PR representative at BenTurner.com would like to
remind you that this is indeed a fake report and anyone
who can't tell the difference should be dragged outside,
skinned, and left on an anthill full of starved ants.


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Ben Turner
http://www.benturner.com/
team@benturner.com