"Snow" Author Unknown December 8th, 6 PM: It's started to snow. The first of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat by the window watching the soft flakes drift down and over the area. It was BEAUTIFUL! December 9th: We awoke to a big, beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Every tree and shrub covered with beautiful white mantle. I shoveled snow for the first time in years and loved it. I did both our driveway and our sidewalk. Later the snowplow came along and covered up our sidewalk with compacted snow from the street so I shoveled it again. December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Oh well, I'm sure we will get some more before the lovely winter is through. December 14: It snowed 8 inches last night and the temperature dropped to 20 degrees below zero. Shoveled the driveway and the sidewalk again and the snowplow came by and did its trick again. December 15: Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer so I can drive in the snow. Bought snow tires for the wife's car. December 16: Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway. All that was hurt was my feelings. December 17: Still cold (below zero in the AM) and icy roads make for very tough driving. December 20: Had another 14 inches of the white shit last night. More shoveling in store for me today. That goddamn snowplow came by twice. December 22: We are assured of a white Xmas because 13 more inches of the white shit fell today, and with this freezing weather it won't melt till August. Got all dressed up to go out and shovel (boots, jump suit, heavy jacket, scarf, earmuffs, gloves, etc.) and then I got the urge to pee!! December 23: I was going to go ice fishing today but my worms froze and I didn't want the fish to break their teeth on my bait. December 24: If I ever catch the son-of-a-bitch that drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by the balls. I think he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street 100 mph and throws snow all over what used to be my lawn. December 25: Merry Xmas! They predict 20 more inches of the fucking white stuff tonight. Do they know how many shovels of snow 28 inches is? To Hell with Santa. He doesn't have to shovel that white shit. The snowplow driver came by asking for a donation. I hit him over the head with the snow shovel. December 26: We got 28 inches and then some. I must be going snowblind or have a severe case of cabin fever because the wife is beginning to look good to me. December 27: The toilet froze. If you go outside, don't eat the brown snow. December 28: I set fire to the house. Now that white shit won't cling to the roof!!!