8/18/97 - A Philanthropic and
             Entropic Something.

     My sweetie's back in school.  She's so
     brilliant, so ambitious, so eager to
     learn and to keep the discipline for it.
     I'm so proud of her.

     When I get older and more independently
     wealthy, granted the freedom to invest
     my money in others and in things I
     believe in, for other people, and not
     so much for myself, I know exactly what
     I'd like to do.

     I'd like to find someone who's been out
     of luck his or her whole life, or in
     the recent past.  You know, the people
     whose hopes do not consist of anything
     optimistic, like retiring early or
     owning a yacht, but instead, of finding
     that better house, or tickets to take
     the family on vacation to Florida.

     I know it's kind of strange of me to
     have this desire to be philanthropic.
     "What's the angle?" you may ask.  No
     angle at all.  I give someone what they
     deserve, in the form of a treat they'd
     be unable to get otherwise, expecting
     nothing in return, probably not even
     allowing a way to contact me for thanks
     (or to scream at me, for screwing with
     their lives).

     Hope is so rare and much diminished
     these days.  We've all had moments
     where we wanted something so badly, but
     for whatever reason, we couldn't have
     it.  Like me.  I sure as Hell would
     like to have a plane ticket to Stockholm
     and no obligation to my classes.  I
     think about it and keep it in the back
     of my mind, but I don't live my life
     expecting it.

     Wouldn't it be nice to have one wish
     granted in life?  These are the dreams
     which create djinnis and talking mice.
     One wish.  One reminder that the world
     still cares.  That hope is rewarded,
     that people aren't selfish.

     I suppose I'd like to see someone be
     pristinely happy after I'd fulfilled a
     wish for them, but that's as much as I
     would need.  They would be skeptical
     at first, so I'd have to see that too.
     The comedy of distrust in people.  But
     then reality would hit and that's when
     I could start the car and drive off.
     Or shake hands and walk away.

     This is not the same as giving gifts
     at Christmas.  This is the restoration
     of hope.  There is the possibility that
     it could hurt some more than help them,
     but only if they choose not to believe.

     Think I'm trying to fulfill some thirst
     for divine power?  Go ahead, if you
     want.  I just want to show people how
     good the world can be.  No personal
     benefit.  No saving my soul for Heaven.

     Just something genuinely nice.

       "My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
        Look upon my works, ye Mighty, and
          despair!"
        Nothing beside remains.  Round the
          decay
        Of that colossal wreck, boundless
          and bare,
        The lone and level sands stretch
          far away."

       -From "Ozymandias," by Percy Bysshe
        Shelley


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